Live My Life / To be continue

It's going to end year 2012, even we actually went through the world's end day, 21st Dec 2012, but life still keep on going. I still wake up as usual and continue the things what I'm supposed to do. And today is X'mas eve! Thought will working my double shift but my boss cancelled it, so I went back home earlier and now sitting in front of my lappy, which I don't know what to do except to update my blog. I still remember last year of today I had a crazy X'mas celebration with my secondary school besties. We exchanged gifts according to the number we picked up, and drank like nobody business. Even some of them drunk like a mad people, which created a funny yet sweet memories in my life. But this year, some of them not in hometown, people like me need to work, so the others already find their way to celebrate their X'mas eve. I know life always be unexpected, just sometimes and somehow, I will feel lonely and sad regarding all these. Especially when I grown up, older and older, many things will never happen as what I thought. Hmm... Did I give up my life because of this? Of course no! I still believe there's a better future for me to explore, maybe eventually will have a life that I wanted to live. Who knows what will happen next? I'm still young enough to fight for that!

So what happened recently? Finally I get what I really wanted for years -- change my phone! After many considerations and calculations, I still think that I should get this for my use for the next few years. Some of my friends don't understand why I wanted this so much as my hands are small enough to hold this phone. Actually my palm just the exact size of the phone. LOL! The answer is just simple as -- I need a phone which can entertain me whenever I feel bored, no matter of just to contact with people, surf the net, playing games, taking photos, watching dramas and etc. This can fulfill all my requirements! Although it's not that cheap, and I still have to work hard to pay back for that, but now I still feel it's really worth. Who cares of other things as long as I feel satisfactory and happy of it? Hahaha... So now I'm still a newbie for android phone, lots more to be explore!

So now have to think about my new year resolutions, and will update about it for the next post! Stay tuned!

Merry christmas and have a happy new year! =]


P/S: Eventually they will squeeze out a little time for you even though hectic life still going on, it just a matter of care and concern. Are you still care enough to bother me?

Mute Life

This hectic working life finally turned me into sick! Now I can't talk really well as having severe sore throat and nose block. Voice changed to mute mode, when I talked it just like a spoiled radio, but still have to force my voice out just want to communicate during working time. Dr told me I had a very inflamed tonsils, so prescribed alots of medications for me to recover back. No MC for this visit, 'cause afebrile after 1 episode of spike fever on last Saturday. Felt better after taken medications, but I do really hope that I can recover as soon as possible, so that can eat many nice and delicious food, although I'm not so strict of food that I taking right now. LOL~ Many people saw my condition and encourage me to take a good rest, but with this hectic workload and under staffs in ward everyday, which I don't even have time to go for toilet break, how am I supposed to rest well? Thanks for the powerful Dr who voiced out for our struggling, finally the superiors want to take actions regarding this. Hopefully this can make a big differences for us. *Fingers crossed*

Saw my next month planning roster, still fulled with shifts, and I really can't celebrate my X'mas and countdown as I need to work and cover for my colleagues who went for holiday. I accepted it, but I'll make sure I'll get my real holiday when CNY is coming. Will work hard for that! =]

It's bored and I really need to release my moodiness! Please get my lively life back!!


P/S: I hate waiting!! But still need to wait!! -.-

Emotional season

No doubt it's an emotional season since the sky seems crying all the time from end of October till now. My mood changed and turned to very down due to some issues happened. Remembered what I told regarding the accident? Now that fellow changed his mind and made a fake stupid police report against us just for his more income, I was so damn frustrated of what he had did for us. At first agreed of everything, but now tried to get more money for his greediness. Made my parents worried all the time, my mom can't sleep well due to this issue. I believe in Karma, he'll definitely get all the punishments of what he had did for us. May you go to hell and RIP, ****!

Then some of my close friends realize my moody and tried to cheer me up which actually I didn't showed any signs of moody to them. I'm really glad of having such a good friends in my life, who wants me to be happy at all time. But, I just can't be happy with all these happened afterwards. I can't pretend that. Why is everything seems so much difficult after I grew up? I tried to divert my focus but failed. I miss my family and friends who are always far away from me. Distances make heart grow fonder -- my true feeling after I refreshed back all our pictures in my lappie. With all those smiles and fun that we had, I wish to see you all right now, but still a long time to go to meet you all back.

I always believe all these will become much better after at all, so please don't ever down my spirit anymore. And seems like I'm going to work during X'mas and countdown 2013 according to planning roster, so no celebration for me this year. So sad about that, but who's gonna celebrate with me even I'm actually free on that time? Another sad case.... =(

By the way, 5 centimeters per second (Byōsoku Go Senchimētoru), is a 2007 Japanese animated feature film by Makoto Shinkai is recommended to watch! 

I'm in love with all these movie quotes :-

• Yesterday, I had a dream... A dream I have had since long ago. In that dream, we had yet to turn 13. We were in a vast countryside, completely covered with snow. The lights of the houses extended far into the distance, a dazzling sight. We walked on the thick caprpet of fresh snow, but did not leave any footprints. And like that... 'Someday we will be able to watch the cherry blossoms together again'. Both of us, without any doubt... Thats what we thought. ~Tono Tamaki/Akari Shinohara

• It must really be a lonelier journey than anyone could imagine. Cutting through absolute darkness, encountering nothing but the occasional hydrogen atom. Flying blindly into the abyss, believing therein lie the answers to the mysteries of the universe. ~Tono Tamaki

• The things I had to tell her... and the things I hoped she would listen to. There were so many of them. ~Tono Tamaki

• Do you know? The speed at which cherry blossoms fall… 5 centimeters per second. At what speed must I live... to be able to see you again? ~Tono Tamaki

• Every minute felt like an eternity time, clearly as if it had malicious intent, slowly ebbing away from me. I clenched my teeth, and keeping myself from crying was the only thing I could do… ~Tono Tamaki

P/S: I just need you right here by my side.. If I could just believe in miracles, I would do anything to show you now...

Turn Up The Luck!!

Really happened many things in this October. At first, it went smoothly as what I thought. But things never just be as you wanted. I was happily to go back hometown after my night off, celebrated one of my besties's birthday, she's the last person among our gang whom had her birthday on October. The celebration was great, we had a long time never gathered together since after Mian left Malaysia. Had steamboat in the rainy night, then headed to Home Lounge for second round. Sang songs in front of many strangers really need a huge encouragement, but still fun and relaxing.

Then shit things happened after the fun day, I found out one of my trustworthy friend who actually cheated on me. Seriously heartbroken after knew everything, I just laughed like nothing in front of the laptop, damn frustrated and felt so stupid in my deep heart. It really hard to get my trust again once anyone cheated on me, unless that people prove to me that he had changed. The next day I had my hair cut just want to get myself happier, ended up more sad just because I bang people's car on the way I went back home, accident happened, so lost money due to the compensate. I felt that everything I did just out of its way, I refused to get to know the reality, but still, I have to confront with all these. What makes me so moody still after some of my BFF really talked with me? I don't know. But really thanks to people whom always be with me whenever I'm in the deep shit hole, your support really much appreciated. Although they're physically way far apart from me, still I may feel their spirit existed around me.

So I choose to keep that secret in my heart, and continue my life. With all those scars and hardships will make me stronger, I believe in that. Pray hard that things goes smoothly, I have no more strength to keep myself tougher anymore. *finger crossed*

P/S: So in love of what you had done for me, but will this lasts longer? Really afraid that everything just vanish in front of my eyes... Although you gave me that promise, but I don't dare to take it granted. Wishing you can be with me right now, I really miss you so much.

Bitter Sweet

九月十九日出席了自己人生中最重要的典礼之一 -- 毕业典礼。与家人和同窗三年的朋友们一起见证这一刻真的会让自己很骄傲和满足，毕竟这三年来怎样千辛万苦地过只有自己知道。 接收到家人给的太阳花束和中学时期的死党们给的小小毕业熊，还有前晚未来姐夫请吃的日本料理，真的感触良多。他们就像是那灿烂的阳光般给予力量和支持，让太阳花开出最美丽的模样。当天还少不了见回自己的姐妹们，每个人真的开始散发出女人的魅力了。我想下次的大团聚就是不知在谁的婚礼上了，指日可待。哈哈~ 不过如果能重来，我真的希望自己还是个学生，还是学生生活最好的了！

然后就继续日复一日地工作，真的会发疯再继续下去，每天都被繁重的工作量砸死了，连要喝口水上个厕所都没时间，继续下去真的会引发很多疾病，真的是十分无奈。许多人都以为这神圣的使命是很好赚钱的，其实并不然。而我就对他人的朝九晚五规律生活开始有了憧憬。这吃力不讨好的使命，我开始嫌弃了。可是有个人对我说，别理会他人的想法，好好地做自己觉得对的事情，别担心他就在我身后罢了。当看到这一句话时，心里像是被打了支强心针，感动得没话说。真的很感谢他的鼓励，就因为那番话让我继续坚持到了现在。虽然有时还是会做到很火大还是很累，那时就总是警惕自己是不会这么容易被别人打败的，就这么继续挨下去了，要不然还有这么多年要我怎么坚持下去啊？

 呵呵，真的觉得自己怎么那么可悲啊？还被别人算出本人的运势会到明年二月才开始好转。天啊！！人生到处都是无奈。。。

没办法，这时候只好自己鼓励自己，希望那奖赏自己的计划真的实行！ 加油！


P/S：保持现状才是最好的，你说是吧？

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Past few days went back to hometown after night shifts, mom still came and fetch me home with her motorbike even she's sick for few days already. She didn't get sick for such a long period, I think because of her hardworking for past months. Then before I went back to KL, my little sister whom having her SPM trial exam also fall sick with high fever. Even I can't do much but just kept remind them to eat medicine and gave them water or asked them to get some rest. Recently the weather always change its mood, I just can pray hard each and everyone of my loved one can healthily do whatever they need to do. Of course I met my besties for yam-cha session while staying in hometown. Shared our own problems and our future plan for next year besties trip. Hopefully it can be reality, I really do hope I can have a vacation just to be with all my beloved friends, but it might take quite a long time to make it happen. I still able to wait patiently for that, 'cause I used to wait for everything that I wanted, just don't make me disappointed.

Yesterday night had BBQ with my sister's colleagues for my housemate's farewell. Such a long time didn't had a nice BBQ night, all the foods damn delicious, my stomach is fulled with all kind of foods. But sadly to say that next time I'll be just alone in the house, going out for lunch or dinner alone, such a lonely person I'll be! But what to do, that's called life! I can't expect people to accompany me to do everything for all the time. Ya, it sounds pitiful but I have to used to it. How good will it be if we can just make the time straight cut into the exact moment that we want, just like the comic "after 1 year.."?


Life still need to go on... Be strong and awaiting for the best to come over me! Fighting!!


P/S: No doubt you'll always on my mind, you fool!! But will you do exact same thing as mine? =P

Unsatisfactory!!

Usually night shift not supposed to be so busy, unlike what I had gone through just now. I seriously hate that kind of situation! They think nurses have thousand hands to multitask everything in that particular time, but sorry, nurses also as human being what?! I really hate those who doesn't understand the situation, but still keep on commenting or even criticize of what had you done, especially after you tried so hard to make things perfect. That seriously made me pissed off!

Damn f**king unsatisfactory~!! Sometimes I really wish I'm not in this profession, nobody will appreciate of what we done, they just know how to find the mistakes from you and straight away bombard it. How pity are us while we had actually sacrified our time, energy, meals, even love and caring for each and every patients under our cares, just to do our job well and show the caring for them. But... I think I really feel sad and pitiful of what people's comment on it. I'm sick of all that...

Perhaps I'm not going to choose this pathway anymore if I really have a choice to make... Heartbroken... Who can cure me back? =[


P/S: Hope that you can stay with me especially this time... But I know, it's impossible.. ;(