Self reflection

Working life seems to make me more stressful as times goes by, now I'm a senior staff who need to guide and mentoring my junior staffs. Not only that, everything will come back to me whenever I'm on shift to make sure nothing gose wrong. Now when I almost finish shift especially double shift, my headache will be worsening. But when I'm home and took my late dinner or have a good shower, headache will disappear. I sleep unpeacefully everyday and will awake during midnight, wondering anything I left out to carry out the orders. Colleagues not so cooperative and will blame each other whenever problems appeared. My temper seems to be worsen and hardly to control when I'm in stressed. Sigh~ I'm exhausted but no one seems to care.

Then my surrounding people started to ask me when I want to continue my degree. They gave me so many ideas and encouragement of continuing this nursing career. Life could be so great if it is that simple. I have no money and no motivation of continue my studies. Who can sponsor me and support me financially when I'm studying part time in degree as you know the course itself cost RM30k which is not including the fees and books? My debts got so much to pay off each time I get my salary, ended up not even quarter of it is for my leisure or pocket money. I count every single cent from my account to make sure I didn't misuse my hard-earned money. But anyhow some problem will find me and I have to use up my little saving in the end.

How could I continue my career when I'm still doubtful of having this kind of miserable life for my future?? I know changes can make my future brighter, but now I don't even know what I really want.

I'm in dilemma.

变

近来有许多想法，但却找不到适合的人诉说。有试过跟爱人谈谈，但他的反应也不是我预料中的，能聊的朋友也没剩几位。好郁闷～

看到面子书上的那些人与事，还觉得真的离我远去。我还以为我们是好朋友，不过我想我也太高估自己了，好多事情也没人会约我一起参与了。难道是我孤僻？朋友圈也没有我能容下的余地了。。或许很多东西都是我已无法改变的事实。

但愿人长久。说起来也觉得可笑。

P/S: 好想自己一个人出走！

End of 2014

It's been a while I didn't updated my blog, as you all know my working life is really hectic. And of course due to my laziness during day off, so it's a long time didn't come here, until today. Hahaha~

Within these few months really happened many things, first thing is I finally made myself to go for Damon braces! Although this made my pocket have a big hole, but I'm sure that it's worth for life! No pain, no gain! I did it on 15 Nov at my hometown, it's been a month and I have seen some improvement of my teeth. Happy with it! Although now I'm suffered with mouth ulcers due to trauma of braces, but I'll endure all these and be a prettier me!

Me while going to my cousie's wedding dinner at Pahang on 29.11.14! (2 weeks exactly after I'm on my braces!)

Second, finally I get myself a new car under my name! Due to some problem I have moved from my last place which nearer to my hospital, now I'm staying at a hilltop double-storey house with a couple. A very comfortable house and I'm really enjoying staying here. But it's further from my working place, so I need a transportation to work. After discussed with family members, friends and my boyfriend, did alot of research, and also test drive cars at showroom, I made my decision of buying a new local car while they're having year end promotion. Yesterday I just went to sign agreement with bank and also paid for down payment, now it's time to wait for my new car arrival! Can't wait for that! *Happy* But with this it means my burden will be more and more, so I have to work hard and earn more for this!

Yesterday also was a memorable day for me and my lovely boyfriend, it's our 1st year anniversary! We have been go through up and down during a year we been together, surprisingly there's no quarrel and no fight between us. I'm really appreciated of what he did for me, always considered about me and taking a good care of me, although always love to bully me. I'm happy to be with you, my bii, thanks for everything! We went to a western restaurant at Jaya One for dinner and celebrated our big day, then back to home and ate a Caramel mousse for dessert. Nothing much we did for the big day, but as long we're together, it make everything blessed and wonderful!

My boyfriend who doesn't love to shave and I always complaint with that, but anyhow I love him so much ♥ ♥ ♥

So it's end of the year 2014, nothing much I'll do except working hard in hospital. But I think most of my new year resolutions achieved for this year, I'm blessed and looking forward for a better year for year 2015! Let's work harder and get a better life!! =)

记Bii小事 I

有个不会看华语的男友还蛮有趣的。

前几天因些无畏事气到脸书发泄了下，也把气顺便发在他身上。经过一些沟通后，气也慢慢消了，他小心翼翼地问我在脸书上写了什么，因为有70%的内容他看不懂，试了google translate却也看不懂它在翻译什么。我看着他傻傻的样子,顿时笑了起来。

在之前的台湾旅行，看到密密麻麻的繁体字和陌生人对他说的标准华语让到他很不知所措，想要什么都会问我这是什么啊。我像是他的保姆般牵着他的手到处走，有时他弄我不开心，我就会威胁他说再酱就丢你在路旁自己回马来西亚。哈哈哈~

不过其实说真的，很感谢他的包容我那怪脾气，有时我还真的觉得很对不起他! 也因为这样我会更加好好珍惜我们的感情~ XD

My beloved yet 38 boyfriend!

Happy 100th day anniversary!

Nothing that I can say more than words, I'm really glad that I'm having you in my life now. 

Happy 100th day anniversary, my dearest bii ♥ ♥ ♥

 

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, 
while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

从单人变双人

有一段日子没更新这里了，还真的是不好意思呢！生活太忙碌，总让人疲备不已，但还是过得很充实，我是该庆幸能有这样的生活吧？*疑惑*

其实在这短短的几个月，我的生活改变了不少。首先最重大的改变是有了他的陪伴，开始了两个人的生活。能遇见他也是个很奇妙的缘分，虽然说起来也觉得可笑，不过也感谢他的勇气，让我们冥冥中慢慢地走在一起。他没有那亮丽的外貌，也没有壮硕的身材，不过却有个很好看的笑容，很温柔的声音，很宽大的胸膛让我依靠，让我很有安全感。一开始在一起时我总是觉得很不踏实，很没有安全感，我把这个疑惑告诉了他，他用那很认真的眼神很笃定地对我说：“我会让你很有安全感的，不过会需要些时间，别担心，我们可以度过这一切的。” 虽然他说不想这么早在网络上公布我们的关系，不过却在我们不到两周一起的时间见到了他的好友们和父母。他用行动来证明这一切，这真的很让我欣慰。很开心有了他的陪伴，让我有更多的勇气去面对未来的挑战。我们还有很长的路要一起度过呢！=)

然后在农历新年期间很愉快地与家人和朋友一起度过了， 我们还一起去拜访对方的家人和亲戚，那感觉真的很恐怖。我真的希望不要再这样面对这恐怖的场面了，那全场人只看着你一个人的感觉太可怕了，好有压迫感。生平第一次在shopping centre一直兜兜转转地烦恼该选怎样的礼篮，哈哈哈~ 很开心地在家办BBQ来过除夕晚，还一起庆祝了我和我爸的生日~ 真的是很开心！还有与老友们一起的初三团拜和他们给我的惊喜生日庆祝，我真的很心存感激！

再来是我期待已久的新加坡生日之旅，虽然没有他的陪伴，不过跟死党去是最好不过的啦！在机上途中遇见很像他的男生与我们同坐，到达Changi Airport Terminal 1时还在那里陪Ying吃早餐。过后买了EZ Link卡，乘坐MRT到了我们的住宿地方--River City Inn，寄放我们的行李就开始了我们的旅程。我们去了很多的地方，玩得很开心！虽然用马币来花新币还真的是很吃不消，不过有这样的经历也不错!很感谢Lily和Ying的惊喜Starbucks生日蛋糕，庆幸能有你们俩陪我度过我23岁生日!我爱你们!!(^_^)

虽然随着岁月的成长，我身边的人也离我越来越远，不过有你们这些我也心满意足！

幸福

昨晚做着最后一晚的晚班，一如往常做好了分内事就开了wifi，看到whatsapp的group chat。打开一看，没想到一枚闪闪发亮的戒指伴随着玫瑰花瓣的背景映入我眼里。原来我最挚爱的大姐被与她伴随十年的男友求婚了，哈哈~这一天终于到来了，我隐藏不住内心的喜悦地嘴角上扬。真的真的很为他们感到开心，毕竟他们是我目前见过最好的情侣，两人的互相包容扶持对方从中学毕业到现在离乡背井打拼感情都依然稳固。很多人尤其我身边朋友都很羡慕他们俩，我也不例外。我总是在想，我也能像我姐一样找到能与我执子之手，与子偕老的那个他吗？曾经的以为，他就是我所寻找以久的那个他，但是随着岁月流逝，看清了种种一切，我也不再奢望这一些，只求自己能快乐安然地度过余年。自己的快乐，是自己努力争取的，没人该对它负责。有家人和友人的陪伴，我已心满意足。我决定好好地着手自己的幸福，没人该插手。

相信未来会更美好！加油~ =)

P/S: 我的旅行瘾又来了~~ 是时候该去解瘾咯！