幸福

昨晚做着最后一晚的晚班，一如往常做好了分内事就开了wifi，看到whatsapp的group chat。打开一看，没想到一枚闪闪发亮的戒指伴随着玫瑰花瓣的背景映入我眼里。原来我最挚爱的大姐被与她伴随十年的男友求婚了，哈哈~这一天终于到来了，我隐藏不住内心的喜悦地嘴角上扬。真的真的很为他们感到开心，毕竟他们是我目前见过最好的情侣，两人的互相包容扶持对方从中学毕业到现在离乡背井打拼感情都依然稳固。很多人尤其我身边朋友都很羡慕他们俩，我也不例外。我总是在想，我也能像我姐一样找到能与我执子之手，与子偕老的那个他吗？曾经的以为，他就是我所寻找以久的那个他，但是随着岁月流逝，看清了种种一切，我也不再奢望这一些，只求自己能快乐安然地度过余年。自己的快乐，是自己努力争取的，没人该对它负责。有家人和友人的陪伴，我已心满意足。我决定好好地着手自己的幸福，没人该插手。

相信未来会更美好！加油~ =)

P/S: 我的旅行瘾又来了~~ 是时候该去解瘾咯！

短序

很突然的，我被告知大人物们要interview我，关于转部门之事就要等到interview之后才能定下局。虽然不知道为什么要这样做，心里有些不安，不过我相信以自己的实力是能度过这个难关的。愿天保佑~

这十一月和十二月工作时间表都排得满满的，那double shifts真的多到不行，就因为超缺人手（好像从没够人手过）。虽然做到很累，还很考验自己的体力，耐力和宽容度，但每次都告诉自己说这一切都很快过去的（算是自我催眠吧！）。就为了那些不是很多的钱，委屈了自己。我就像是钱的奴隶，为它生为它死。唉~ 怨不由己，谁叫自己选择了这个事业... 但我相信以后的日子我会过得比现在更好，加油加油！

 在11月21日，终于等到我和Ying期待已久的One OK Rock大马站演唱会！前一晚做完了下午班，等待着Ying从新国回来，然后一整晚都在聊各自的近况。次日起床去吃了早餐，就出发到演唱会现场来霸个好位。11.30am到达，没想到还有几组人马比我们更早，我们就这样等到快8pm才能进场。就因为之前我不知道怎样把原本我们可以早进场的另一个演唱会票根弄不见了，所以错失可以更早进场的机会。真的很对不起Ying，她这么辛苦才买到的票就因为我的糊涂搞砸了，所以去附近买了Starbucks来赔罪。不过也皇天不负有心人，我们还是能站到第一排看这演唱会。哈哈~ 由于technical problem，原本该开场的本地乐团没办法如期表演，不过这消息让我们每个fans超开心的，因为我们不用再等待就可以看到OOR的表演了。整场演唱会可真的是超high，当他们用malay来自我介绍真的让我们捧腹大笑，超可爱的~快两个小时的表演真的让我们意犹未尽，Taka的歌声还在我脑海里一直回荡着。回到车上的我们二话不说直接开他们的歌来回味着，Live band的实力真的是不可藐视~ 现场听得真的是太赞了！还有机会我一定会再次捧场~~

One OK Rock!! The most awesome performance that I ever experienced! <3

 其实有人关心你在生活上的好与坏也不错，至少以后如果一个人自己在房间暴毙也还有人来收尸，不必等到尸体腐烂到发臭才惊动邻居报警。Choi~~ =P


P/S: 很期待明年的到来~~ =D 但愿明年会更好！！

转变

我终于鼓起勇气把那封信给了，没想到就这么快给了我消息说十二月就去了。很感谢Sis C的分析和鼓励，让我有足够的信心去面对接下来的挑战。我想我会照着她的建议的，如果没有意外的话。虽然与我之前的计划有些太快了，不过就乘着还有热诚的时候把它做掉，才不会突然又退缩！到了新部门，新环境，新同事，希望事情都顺顺利利的！上天保佑~

 当一个人真的看透时，心里真的不会起太多的那些涟漪。看着那些事与物，我都没什么好想说的了。或许我太自以为吧，把自己在你心中的位子看得太重太好，太高估自己了，其实我根本不算什么吧，比其她们。我好想摆脱这阴影，但这城市有太多与你的回忆，好困惑。但愿有别人帮我带走这些吧！

A must-watch movie for this year! *touching*

P/S: 我好需要钱啊！！快从天上掉下来给我吧！！

目标

原本期待已久的槟城之旅因为只有我独自一人游走而招来家人的坚决反对而被必腰斩了，从一开始的气愤到后来的无奈浇熄了我对年未假期的期待。到底该怎么样才能重燃回我对生活的期许和热忱？是该找个伴侣？还是开始新的生活指南？我想了想却没有一个答案。看着他人开心笑颜的照片或是评语，真是让人羡慕不已，但别人的苦又会有谁知？

我好想去流浪，看看这辽阔的世界，体验不一样的生活。不过现阶段还真的是满难实现的，所以我只能咬紧牙根努力地挨下去，坚信会有那么一天的到来。

今天得到ward sister对自己工作能力的认可和赞赏，说实话感觉还不错。就这样照着蓝图来实现自己的目标吧！加油~ =)

喃喃自语 之 无法述说的情感

近来的九月份日子都一直绵绵细雨，就像是述说着离别的忧伤。很多人都在这时候回到留学的国家开始了新的学期，身边的友人也不例外。这一别又会等到何时再来相聚？虽说现代的科技发达，轻而易举随手一按就能与远地的人联系，但自己还是喜欢面对面看着对方的对话，这也会感到真实许多。想起之前曾对他说太久没见面，害自己都有幻觉想说他到底是不是存在在这现实世界中，结果被人笑。 囧

开始回到忙碌的工作生活，心情也没像之前那么地歇斯底里，遇上不如意的事情都不会太介意了。我想旅行真的能把自己从内而外洗炼好，如果长练功的话应该可以到达成仙境界。哈哈~ 这毒真的很难戒，现在已经着手计划明年的旅行，不过想到金钱的拘束真的搞得一个头两个大，还有别人给自己的人生规划（不想听都不行）。咳，我还是不敢对那些计划抱着太大的期望，要不然泡汤了只有自己感到难受。但无论如何，自己会努力实现自己的计划，加油！

 一个人的生活过久了，真的会把自我中心放的很大很大。我开始越来越不会去理会他人的眼光，只做会让自己快乐的事情。虽说这是个好事，但有时这样的做法会无意间伤害到旁人也不一定。就像前阵子与JS一起出外吃午饭，他对我的评语“你越来越有女强人的气势”真的让我无语。试问如果没人能出身保护自己，那我岂能用我那柔弱的气势来面对着这凶神恶煞的社会？我也不想架上那强悍的气势，但不这么做是不能活在这世界的。靠人不如靠自己，这是老早就领悟的道理。其实自己也不明白是否这么地不安于现状，总是想要得更多更好，欲望永无止境。但现况无法让自己这么地为所欲为，就当我对妈说自己的欲望时，她只淡淡地回我说，“你如果要实现你的愿望，就最好去找个有钱老公。” 哈哈哈，听起来是很好笑啦，不过哪有可能这么容易找？

这世间的人事物改变得太快，还来不及消化就被新的替代。我想我很难会习惯这样的速度吧，没关系，just keep my pace!

二人游

此文章只是记载着些故事：就因去年我们曾说过要再去海边，当我们俩去了我家乡的海边后，不过因他的忙碌，过后就不了了之。这次因Langkawi的遗憾和他未成的承诺，就问了他要不要一起去岛游玩，他毫不犹豫地答应了我，我很讶异他的爽快，不过就因为这样就成了我们俩的浪中岛3天2夜之旅。其实真的很感谢他，因为有他的陪伴，才让这个旅程有了全新的体验。我真的好久没有这么relax的感觉，就算上个月去Langkawi都没那么地放松，可能是自己是策划人有那负担的存在吧。

25号的凌晨2点我就乘上了他家的Nissan X-Trail，俩人就驾着夜车一路不停歇5个小时半地到达离KL有488km的Merang Jetty，就连他都很惊讶自己能耐这么强。到了那里还有2个小时半才能上船，就让他在车上睡下，听着那打呼声，想必真的很累，哈哈，真的是辛苦了。而我被那咖啡因折磨到没办法小歇下，到了最后还是必须吐出来那胃才甘心。看到时间差不多了，打电话给负责人，才知道是另一个Jetty，幸好那地方离我们在距离不远才没迟到，不过看到一群中国人在那叽叽喳喳的，还以为我们身在中国呢。坐了快1个小时的船，到达了我们入住的Summer Bay Resort，听了briefing就吃午餐，回房睡下，到了时间就去浪中岛附近浮浅。有了去年在热浪岛浮浅的经历，我毫不犹豫地跳向大海的怀抱好好地感受下，不过不知道为什么那mask就是一直进水，害到我的双眼被咸死人的海水辣红了。当我上船时那beach boy abang问我怎么了，帮我看看那mask下，就建议我们俩交换mask用看ok吗，要不然我就要换成kids的mask了。幸好过后情况有改善，而他教我以scuba diving method来清洁那mask，如何换气，如何dive in，我们还在酒店的游泳池那里进行了练习。自己都觉得自己的泳技有进步了，哈哈。晚上吃了晚餐就在海边走走，坐在码头的木围墙吹着凉风，聊着自己的想法，还听到二楼的live band现场有人求婚成功，那感觉真的无法形容地良好。

第二天早上吃了早餐就去了jungle trekking，走过其它的resorts，终点是能看到日出的Batu Kucing。看着那Abang Ronald跳下那很高的悬崖，真的让我们俩心痒痒，不过因我的装扮和他的脚伤因为了要提醒我别靠近珊瑚区而割伤了才作罢，但我们俩已发誓说下次再来一定要挑战这。回了酒店冲个凉吃午餐再去最后一次的浮浅，我把昨天学到的都尝试了下，没想到就这样自己不知不觉游到离船超远的地方，回船时还被那Abang Wan称赞下。浮浅真的是很爽和好玩，只是皮肤被晒得很黑了，之前的美白功夫全白费了，不过算了，我已下定决心一定要好好把游泳当成是我的休闲活动，近年来一定要去考潜水执照。过后回酒店的泳池再玩水了下，我们真的玩水玩得很尽兴。晚餐吃了后原本要回房休息，遇见Abang Wan被问到要不要看海龟，我们想机会难得就答应了。在等待的同时还看了蓝眼泪在水里闪闪发光，还听了Abang Wan的人生故事，虽然最后因有保护海龟的自愿员在那站岗而无法看到，不过真的很感谢Abang Wan的热心，我俩真的很开心，说好了明年还要再重游此地。回房后我们敷了面膜就入睡了，真的是很累。

第三天，起床吃早餐就要回去了，真的是舍不得。我独自走在海滩，赤着双脚沉浸在冰冷的海水，看着那阴阴的天空和蓝蓝的大海，顿时一切都静止了。我想我的心会待在那个小岛好久好久。

在回程路上，因为他累了，所以让我驾了100km的路程，也顺便锻炼我的驾车技术。经过他的指导下，真的是被说得很多需要改善的地方。不过当要换回我驾时，车竟然出问题了。幸好有他的冷静和爱好车的知识和技术，我们就很惊险地平安回到KL。

不过就因这旅程，我深深地了解，要找个完全适合自己的旅伴真的不简单，有太多的考验等待着要你自己和陪伴你的人去解决，就像是我们现在过着的人生一样。有像他这样的朋友，我很欣慰。但我已不再奢望什么，if it meant to be happen, it will。

恼

事情（尤其是我最在乎的）总是喜欢跟我作对， 昨天的我还在想如果他敢放我飞机的话真的会让他好看， 没想到刚才就跟我说可能要取消我们的计划。这个计划从我担心拿不到假期到突然看到怎么给到太多假期，从没有目标到了有了明确的目标，就这样地拉扯着我那小小心脏。现在到了最后关卡，你却给了我个炸弹。说实话我不是生气，毕竟意外总是发生的很突然， 要人闪避都来不及。但我更在乎的是不是我逼得太紧，让你身不由己？你总是说我们就像是认识很久似的，但是说我真的很了解你也不是。我不喜欢我身边的人有那种“我在逼着你跟着我做的决定”的感觉，如果你有什么问题都可以大方地跟我倾诉。看着电话银幕的我真的不知道该怎么办，原本该去补眠的我躺在床上很久都无法入眠，等下的晚班我可真的好好地钓鱼了。

不过事情总是要有个答案，请上天赐给我勇气和力量来还给我个满意的答案吧！愿我的钻牛角尖就真的只是那样。我们就不能没烦恼，带着那愉快的心情去游走吗？


P/S: 如愿以偿，就真的这么难吗？

学会扮演不同的角色

"人生如戏，我们穿梭于不同的角色之间。对于高标准、严要求的现代人来说，更是如此。从管理心理学的角度来说，运用社会角色管理，以不同的姿态面对不同的身份，更能“玩转”你的生活，打造快乐人生。"

面对工作，接受挑战。职场人是一个理性、成熟的角色，不能因为自己的好恶选择工作任务。要迎难而上，追求卓越，把每件事、每个人都圆融、周到地处理好，方为优秀。

面对爱人，甘愿示弱。家庭不是比高低、争权力的地方，也不是发泄压力和情绪的垃圾桶。家需要用尊重和柔情来经营。累了可以在爱人面前适当示弱，倾诉自己的压力、委屈，让他知道你需要理解和安慰，这会让你得到更多关爱。

面对孩子，放下“架子”。身为父母，恩威并重才能有效且省心。对孩子的不良行为，坚决说不、不容姑息，但我们更需要平等地和孩子交流。放下家长的“架子”，多给孩子一些选择，比如“你现在睡觉还是十分钟后睡?”要比“睡觉时间到了!”效果好得多。

面对父母，敞开心胸。缔造我们生命的父母，永远是最关心、疼爱你的人。别再抱怨他们的衰老、唠叨，在他们面前，也不用有所保留，把你的心事、烦恼多跟父母说说，他们的人生经验和建议，一定会让你豁然开朗。

面对朋友，彻底放松。每个人都会有一些知交好友，在他们面前，不用掩饰烦恼、伪装坚强。心情不快、遇到挫折时，不妨和他们见见面、打电话聊聊，交流生活的喜怒哀乐，会增强彼此的支持和幸福感。

面对自我，摘掉面具。每个人心里都有脆弱的地方，如果自己的内心得不到关注，快乐也是表面、肤浅的。关爱自己，是心灵的加油站。当你疲惫烦躁时，与其强颜欢笑，不如将自己暂时“隔离”，摘掉面具，彻底静心一下。

　　

最后，各个角色轻重不同，需要恰当地平衡。当你不知道如何取舍时，不如想想可口可乐前首席执行官迪森的名言：“生命像是一场连续的抛球游戏，这五个球分别为工作、家庭、健康、朋友和精神。工作是橡皮球，掉在地上还会弹回来;但家庭、健康、朋友和精神却是玻璃球，掉在地上会不可避免地支离破碎。”明白了这个道理，你会明白最该珍惜的是什么角色。


P/S: Nice statement for developing own self in this world.Really need to learn up so that won't lose yourself. =)

七月忆情事故

今天一整天都在房间发晾，打扫很久没时间整理的小小房间，洗洗衣服，update下电脑和Ipod，听听最爱的音乐。因为两天的night off 太少了，再加上明天还要开始一整个星期的alternate double shifts，让我没回家看看家人朋友。虽然有些无聊，不过还是很不错的，至少不是在战场上打拼就好。呵呵~ 还跟身在新国的JT skype了一下，我们都在异地闷得发慌。LOL~ 不管了，现在就好好地更新下最近的自己干了什么好事吧~

在7月3日到5日，终于去了期待已久的一年一度我们中学死党们的旅行。今年我们选择了Langkawi这小岛度过了3天2夜的假期（在个很偶然的机会下买到的旅游配套，不过过程真的是呕心沥血，我也不想再回味）。这次虽然少了JT这Redang trip的kaki，不过加了JS, Mian, Bong, Xian, H.Peng这些新成员。我们这行8人就在KLIA相聚了，就坐上本人的第一次马航飞行之旅浩浩荡荡地抵达那小岛。不知为什么天就是要跟我们做对，我们在岛上期间就是爱下长命雨，还严重到淹水了，当地人说这可不寻常呢~ 虽然满多地方没办法去，一路上还发生些不如意的事情，不过我们还是发挥了知足常乐的精神，完成了这旅程。对于身为策划人的我其实很感谢他们，大家都很随性不计较那些琐碎的事情，所以一路上都没什么争吵。最遗憾的是我没有穿到比其尼下海和拍到艳照，这真的让我悔恨不已。过后回到家乡跟他们还有些没办法一起同行的死党相聚，一起打闹过了个愉快的假期。很开心有这班死党，就因为有这些支持才有办法度过这余生~ 就这样地我们又要计划明年的死党旅行该去哪里，不过还拿不定主意。=P

然后一星期后我去参加了饥饿30，感受了那无法进食却只能喝白开水的30个小时。虽然有时我做double shift时也是一整天都没有吃，不过毕竟工作已经分散了你那胃酸狂侵蚀了可怜胃部的呐喊，在DIY camp时有某些时段可是快要捉狂了，还有很欠打的营员拿起手机show你看美食的美照，开FB 和instagram都看到每个朋友在吃好料，我的精神还真的有被打击。不过最让我失落的可是在stadium putra倒数开餐的时候，那我以为是为我打气的那通电话，他竟然骂我怎么那么笨地让自己节食，以为这样就能帮助那些无助的儿童吗。说真的我听到的那刹那，心可是揪了起来，我真的很无语。我只好很无力地大声喊着电话的另一头说可别打击我坚持以久的毅力，不要这样地骂我好吗，他笑笑地安抚我就这样结束通话。不过我还是做到了，我才不理你说什么呢，只要我认为对的事就一定可以做到！Hmp~

昨天与Ying一起看Pacific Rim，这部电影真的是好看到没话说~ 心中太澎湃了，我泪水飙到不止。 试问如果以后世界真的变得像电影的情节，我们是否会更加爱惜保护这地球不被外来人侵入？过后GLL的加入就一起去唱K，不过没想到突然的消息告知，Ying 过几天就要到新国报到，然后展开异国的打工日子。希望她能平安快乐地在那里发展，真的为她的勇气打动，毕竟自己无亲无故独身到异国做工可不是个简单的事~ 我们都要加油哦！

我也是时候该做下抉择，展开新的道路。带上那勇气毅力的心，往前走吧！


P/S: Everything passes. Nobody gets anything for keeps. And that's how we've got to live. Appreciate the moment, every loved one, here, now.

单与双

最近传来了很多喜讯，身边的朋友开始订婚的订婚，结婚的结婚，连原本各个单身朋友都开始恋爱了，而我这个光棍可连个追求者也不见个人影。说起来也真的是可笑，当人家听到我的生日是在情人节时都投来羡慕的眼光，我每次看到那眼光都超不爽的，心里都会嘀咕说：“老娘活了这么大可从来没在生日时顺便一起庆祝情人节的咯！”总是会觉得这肯定是月老和爱神丘比特开的天大玩笑，让人家总是在生日时都傻傻看别人收到玫瑰花巧克力香吻和烛光晚餐，自己却还在期待有谁会来给自己个惊喜，到最后都会跟一班单身朋友玩乐就酱老了一岁。我不是在嫌什么啦，有朋友的祝福是让我感到很快乐，但如果身边还有位心爱的人一起度过未尝不是件坏事吧？尤其是最近心情真的是超差的，想找个出气筒也没有，还有每次看到廉价机票，很想要跟个人一起旅行看着世界时更是郁闷极了，真的是快疯了~

虽说这世界上做什么事到了最后还是一个人，不过有个人能减轻负担听听自己的心声一起交换意见也很好嘛~ 毕竟这世界可不是孤岛啊！

我想我已经拥有了初老症状，无药可救了。。

还是过一个人的生活到老死吧！


P/S: 本人只是纯粹发泄罢了，说完就过了。。这一切都会过去的。。。

苦

最近工作上发生了悲剧，让大家都在非常大的压力下继续劳作。承受着外来的异样眼光和种种压力，我却不知该把这份压力跟谁诉苦。直到跟贤的侃侃而谈，她叫我别再压抑在心里了，两行眼泪才终于决堤。我总以为我很坚强，但其实并不然。那好强和爱面子的个性让我经过岁月的痕迹渐渐地稳固了，连以前看小小感动的画面都会一把鼻涕一把眼泪的我早已找不回来。当晚凌晨时分我突然的惊醒，想睡脑海却都是些残忍的画面，看着家人熟睡的模样，心里很沉重。看到他的问候，让我决定跟他述说最近的不顺。他在距离8118.86km的异地打电话来听听我的不安，他总是很担心我是不是在哭泣，但说实话，我还真的是哭不出来，心里还是闷闷的，在我述说的过程中。我还是很欣慰的，最近都没联络的我们还是维持着这若即若离的关系。他说别担心，这事不管你的事，你会安然度过的，他就快回来陪我了。但其实就算他的归来也不会改变什么，这我很清楚。事情不在我的掌控之中，让人郁闷至极。人生总是没有happy ending，你说是吧？

只希望这事情能赶快告一段落，安息。。。

Tonight I'm getting over you

其实这个问题真的存在很久了，快要一年的时间。连我身边的人都看不下去叫我别傻了，看到了这么多血淋淋的证据，我才能坦然地告诉自己别再欺骗自己了。

说实话，我真的从来没想过，与你这么奇妙的相遇，竟搞到我这么地受尽折磨。为何我原本的闲来无事，让你闯进了我的世界里，就让我这么地想要依赖着你，不愿再放手。理智总是告诉我，这个人很危险，别再靠近了，要不然可就受尽了委屈。可是我总是不信邪，慢慢地掉入了你设下的陷阱。现在可好了，我不知道该怎么办，才能狠下心抛开你的一切。心真的很痛，不知该做什么才能忘了这一切。其实那时你对我你朋友经历的短暂失忆，我多么地想要那个会是我，让我忘记你对我的一切，好让我不再心痛伤心了。

我真的很感激你对我的一切，让我感到我真的是很幸福。不过，关于所谓关系的界面图，让不止是我还是我身边的人都感到匪夷所思。或许对你来说这不是个问题，但我会感到很困扰。你的好害到我很自私地想拥有，不过你却没那个意思，那我很尴尬叻。该放下还是争取，会成为永远的谜。你其实很自私，这是个事实。我很恨你的大方和爱心泛滥，虽然那是你的魅力之一。你怎么能这样对我，明知我和你的性格相似，会了解我的想法，却又视若无睹。

我想我真的别再这么傻了，是时候该放下，好让自己的心别再受伤了。你或许觉得是我想太多了，不过一切都无所谓了。

献给你这首歌，让一切都回归零吧…

Encouragement From Special Persons

I was doing my second night yesterday, since it's weekend and the next day is an very important day for our country, so left very less patients in the hospital. So I had my chance to chit chatting with my patients while I'm on my way to take observations.

The first patient admitted again within 4 days duration due to his gastric problem and perhaps some post op complication or side effect which we all don't know what actually cause him like that. His wife asked me whether will going to vote tomorrow. I told her that I need to work still and I'm not a local, plus my name is not in the list although I did registered since last year June. They was shocked and talked alot regarding this. Then we talked about nursing progression in this world, they encouraged me to go oversea and work after my bond finished. I planned to do so since ever I joined this profession, but I will definitely continue my studies first before stepped out from this country. Without a degree post will be quite hard to get a job with good paid at oversea. But maybe my mind will change after few years later as time goes by, they wished me to have a good future as nursing is a worldwide recognized job.

Then another patient who was admitted a week already due to her backache. The first night when I was serving medications for her, she suddenly talked about my lentigo on my right chin which will bring me a very fortunate luck, and I will getting married with a rich guy. I was so shocked and told her that actually I had an idea to remove it since I was small. She strongly refused me to remove it as she said it was a gift from God and marked on my face, so that it will bring luck for my future. I actually really had a goosebump when she told me all those as she gave me the advices of what I worried the things for years. I laughed and asked her how would you know all these. She said it's a destiny that God sent me to here and met you, to tell you all these. That overwhelming feeling within my heart can't fade off till now, I sit down in front of my laptop to jot down all these moments. She really encouraged me to be an independent and knowledgeable women, help others while we can, take a good care of our own family, then the Mr Right will come and meet us whenever time reached. We shake our hands before ended our conversations and I truly appreciated of what she said. Thank you so much for boost me up my hesitations and doubt, I'll be a better person and bring all those cheerful smile to the others.

I believe I can achieve what I dreamed off. My good life will comes eventually! Challenges accepted! =)

One-third

It's been a while to update my blog. As usual busy with works and recently my lappie spoiled made me unable to post, but I knew all these was just an excuse. Now I'm even able to use my Note 2 to write this, it just the matter of mood. Yea I admitted my mood swing is in critical stage, but don't worry it will just occur when I really can't stand with it anymore. *control control*

One third of 2013 has gone, I'm still doing fine with my job, nothing much new things to be happy with. Awaiting for increment and bonus to be happened on me, although some of them said people who working less than a year will not getting anything. But I do really hope that expection will happened, so that I will have that kind of motivation to continue this pathway. *fingers crossed*

Two days ago, I almost had a MI episode with ILT due to his lame joke. That unsatisfactory and angry feeling still deep inside my heart. Although apologies and comfort given, but I don't really understand what's the point of having that kind of lame joke. Perhaps I'm too stingy to make fun with, but my sincerity is not a joke, seriously I swear, especially with the person I do really care much. My heartache still exists whenever I think back, gonna break my heart harshly so that it won't get any injury anymore! You'll get the paid in the future! Hmp!

End of May is the day of my bestie back from Dublin for her summer break! Can't wait to meet her as we're having almost a year never meet each other, although we always keep in touch frequently in using any kind of communication tools. Gonna planning many things to do with her and also with our gangs too! It's gonna be awesome!! Also today is her birthday, have a sweet celebration ya~ :D

My complicated feeling become worse after you told me all those, perhaps I'm the one whom overthinking but still there's impossible to have all these weird actions right? I'll just pretend know nothing until the truth disclose. Please forgive me for being such that coward, I'm sorry.

P/S: I'm gonna live my life like forever 22!

对自己的承诺！

「不要问別人，为何走出去。

　而是问自己，为何还沒出发。」

有时候旅行只需要一个念头，一点任性，一点冲动。

刚刚无意间看到别人的旅后感言，心中那热血的旅游心又沸腾了。所以我对自己的承诺，无论如何，一定要实现我那梦寐以求的背包旅行！不管单枪匹马还是两三只小猫的跟随，去哪个世界天涯海角都行！我要带上相机和背包，用自己裸眼看着世界~！（btw my eyes recovered slowly by taking its time LOL） 要好好赚钱去出发咯！

相信自己可以实现这梦想的~ 加油！

Longest MC ever in 2013!

Remembered of my last post talking about my sickness? Now it still stick with me and don't want to leave me alone. I'm still having my MC for continuously 5 days already, but yet not fully recovered. Just now went and see for my ophthalmologist for follow-up, and he gave me 2 more days MC since it still having redness and swollen, in fact my left eye started get infected too. He diagnosed me as viral conjunctivitis, which made me fall into the hell and I'm damn emo right now. Sigh~ I'm so sick of that. With discomfort of the stupid eyes, I can't go anywhere even hometown also can't just because I scared I'll spread it to my parents as it's very contagious. Even just out of the room and was about to dry up all my washed clothes also feel my eyes is burning when I was looking to the sky. So currently everyday I'm in my little space of sweet room and enjoy my darkness whenever what I did, no matter eating or watching movie. I feel like I'm just like a vampire, who can't live in bright side. =.=

All the medicines that I need to take from getting myself back to normal.

People especially all my colleagues wishes and envy of my long MC when I passed the MC to my supervisor. In my mind I was like "WTH you wish to have a unhealthy body just because of the rest day is it?". If you want the rest day just rest it well on your day off, and please don't wish to be like me. You'll regret when you have the same disease just like me.Yea, I know it's really tiring especially like my crazy working ward where there will always have non-stop admission, transfer-in or out, emergency operations, fussy patients who always think they're the only patient in the hospital, uncooperative pediatrics who always cry and refuse anything you wanna do with him/her, troublesome relatives who gave extra works for you to do, weirdo doctors who always think their time is precious but not nurses and asked for something which is ridiculous and you will feel like wanna kick him off, other departments who always rush you and never think that actually we all nurses just have two hands, legs and a brain only, and etc. Of course not everyone is like what I stated as above, but things will getting frustrated when your works just never end and they just keep on coming and coming. Somemore when you work double shift on that day. Not even a drop of water you had ever drink and never step into toilet and pee since you started work for 12 hours already, what about the lunch or dinner. In conclusion, I think because of all these, my sickness only become so severe due to my low immune system.

I just to have my healthy and beautiful eyes back! Please come back to me~~ T.T



P/S: When you going to lose the thing that you used to it, only you'll realize how important it is in your life.

Money Make Her Smile?

Hectic working life made me unable to post out what's happening on my February days life. I always seems to be blame on my job, not to said that I hate my profession but it really made my life so miserable and lifeless. Used up most of my time and working like a cow in hospital, but just earned that little pitiful salary for myself. Then ended up made myself become thinner and unhealthy, easily to get sick due to shift schedule and lack of resting time. Then also having less time to accompany my family especially my parents, less gathering and bonding time with my beloved friends, less time to build up my new network connection for new stuffs or new buddy. My 22nd years in this world sounds so pitiful, but I swear to myself that I will make a overhauled for my better future, just need to endure all the painful and suffering, the bright side will always be with me.

This year CNY celebration is getting even cooler, as my grandpa passed away for 1 year plus and my grandma still unable to ambulate by her own fully after that stroke episode. So still we not celebrate grandly for this festival, but I think even after subsequent years will still remain the same. CNY doesn't become so important anymore as time goes by, when you grew up older and bigger, especially after you step into the working life. I can't smell and feel the festival atmosphere till when I went to shopping centre where they kept on playing the CNY songs. But what I love the most is I able to enjoy many delicious and nice foods especially my mom homecook foods! Also having gathering with my beloved family and bunch of old buddies which I felt the most comfortable and enjoyable moment in this CNY. Of course I did gave a little token of appreciation for my parents and grandma, the feeling is wonderful and overwhelming when you passed over to them, 'cause that's the hard-earned effort from ownself. Also I helped my grandma for toilet bath which I feel it's usual thing as I always did in hospital when I was a student. While I taking my grandma back to living room after the bath, she looked at me and appreciated of what I did for her. A peace feeling overwhelming my heart, yea, I still feel that that's not wrong that I'm in this profession.

Thus came to my 22nd birthday which I have never expected so much from that, since last year I had few grand celebration just because I was 21st. So this year  luckily I'm able to get annual leave for my birthday, at first which supposed back to work and eventually after I talked with my boss, leave approved and I was so relieved. "Never try to work during your birthday!" -- this statement which quoted by my respectful tutor Ms K. The day before just had a gathering outing with Xiong, MK, Xian Moi, Nyamuk and S.Yin. Never thought they still celebrated with me, although no cake for that, but I'm really satisfied for all the treats they did. I received a very special present from my little sis, a blue paper which full with wishes and unknown names, it's my little sis's idea who asked her NS friends gave me wishes which I really touched of that! Then on the exact day, back to Puchong since tomorrow's morning shift, had a single Valentine's dinner with Ying at Sushi Zanmai. Life is just great with all loves around!

Then continue my hectic working life after CNY holiday till now. Between that I went back hometown once after my night shift, met up my 2 close bros JT and Bong at newly opened Starbucks. Really had a long time never have a talk with both of them. JT is going to SG and start his working life, and we'll have less time to meet up in the future. Kinda sad when he told me about this, but what to do when it comes to money is everything in this world, especially for man who need to take care of family. Wish a good luck for him! Of course I did accompanied my parents well since my little sis is not around, what a complicated feeling when actually I think both of my beloved parents stay at home without three of us together. Soon my little sis is going for college which I think she won't be staying at Melaka study. How I wish I can stay with them...

And now ended up with right eye conjuctivitis after 3 days double in a week. Don't know all of sudden and how did I get this, got two days MC and currently I'm isolating myself in my room. I just hope that it can recover soon 'cause it is very irritating when it comes to icthiness and watery redness eye. Discomfort!!


I just want my active lifely life back!! *shouting in my deep heart*


P/S: 思念就跟爱情一样是会耗尽的。无奈要分隔两地，一开始我想你想得很苦恨不得马上飞奔到你身边，再也不要跟你分开。后来的后来，我沒那么想你了，不是不爱你而是这样的想念是沒有归途的。我再怎么想你，还是见不着你，摸不到你，只是用思念来折磨自己。于是我知道，我得学着过自己的生活。

Mix-and-match post

Had a great time at hometown after my night shifts on last weekend. As usual gathering with family members and had a outing with buddies JS and JT. The special part was had a visit for my little sis at her NS camp at Kluang, it's so damn far and I just kept on slept in the car while my elder sis drove all the way to there. My eyes just can't stand with that long and far highway, don't know how am I going to drive highway when I get my own car, really need to train myself up. Met my little sis in the camp there, she seems to be happy when see us. LOL~ Not to say that it's a usual reaction but sometimes she just to be too cool, but still happy to see her, hope she will enjoy herself well in that 3 months. It's just a special experience to get from NS as me and my elder sis didn't go for that. Lucky for me actually although I love all those adventurous activities too.

Then back to work, hectic working life still going on, and I can't deny it. My big boss told us to be well prepared and not to get sick as next month will be even harder as less staffing, even my CNY leave which I requested seems like have to be cut down. I have no choice but just to keep myself positive that earn more money from it, then I can fulfill my dreams. With this only I can continue my path, sounds pitiful but still have to accept the fact.

And don't know why, I did a really stupid action in my whole life ever on last few day, without thinking too much or whatsoever. That moment I just want to express my feeling and really wanted to make sure that message been received. "I just want you to know" this statement really strongly input in my mind, so all those words came out from my mouth and you listened it. Until the phone conversation ended, and I started to think back, I really puzzled of what I have done for that past an hour. Guilty and embarrassed feeling came into my mind, and I can't get a nice sleep on that night. The next day I really had my "good lecture" from the fellow whom I strangled last night, I can't do much but just to laughed of my stupidity. Although nothing serious happened actually, and he did explained and consulted me so much and so long regarding that matter, but still I feel the emptiness is there. I'm truly sincerely apologize of what I had said to you, especially for those serious and heavy words I used to talk with you on that night. But you know right, all these just because of caring you, and you seems to be happy and touched because of this, right (since you said so)? So let's get things better, okay? I swear to myself that I won't be out of control anymore, never in my life ever again!

Just now had my dinner with my mentor at nearby cafe, enjoyed the live band. With my luck, I have my chance to witness a proposal from a guy to his girlfriend with the help of the girl's friends. This is my first time ever to watch the proposal in front of my eyes, although it's very short moment, but still feel happy for that couple. But I can see the awkward expression from the girl since so many people looked at her. LOL~ Wishing them have a happy wedding and happy ending for their love too!=) 

This post seems very rojak but all these are the things I wanna express out! Much more better after I type it out. Be faithful in life, 'cause my life still long way to go! =]


P/S: "Don't think too much!"  It's easy to say but hardly control your mind actually....

一生守候

王若琳 - 一生守候

作词：武雄      作曲：张朵朵
等待着你 等待你慢慢的靠近我
陪着我长长的夜到尽头
别让我独自守候
等待着你 等待你默默凝望着我
告诉我你的未来属于我
除了我别无所求
你知道这一生 我只为你执着
管别人心怎么想 眼怎么看 话怎么说
你知道这一生 我只为你守候
我对你情那么深 意那么浓 爱那么多
等待着你 等待你轻轻拉我的手
陪着我长长的路慢慢走
一直到天长地久
等待着你 等待你紧紧拥抱着我
告诉我你的心里只有我
永远爱我 等待着你
除了我别无选择
你知道这一生 我只为你执着
不管他喜还是悲 苦还是甜 对还是错

This sweet song I knew it from the movie The Last Thycoon that I watched with ILT on last Saturday. The movie is damn nice, very touching till I almost cried in the end of the movie, but still able to hold my tears. ILT made a joke of me and helped me to wipe off my "tears". Unlike the girl who sat beside me already cried how many rounds, but it's a supreme movie indeed!

How to get a women who truly love you and support you whatever you do or decide? I'm really salute of the wife of Chen Da Qi -- Ah Bao. With his husband met back his first love and protect his first love in the war, she still manage to tell him that she will stay at Shanghai with the Jeneral and let him and his first love go to Hongkong to take refuge. Can I able to do so if this thing really happened on me and the one that I loved? I seriously have no idea about it.

It's not easy to get someone who truly care of you, support you no matter what happened, especially for the one who perfectly match you. I really appreciated of what I had it right now -- so much besties who really love me, help me and be with me all the time, although we're far apart from distances. I will remember of what ILT told me, what we talked about, let us be together and fight for the best in medical line. Of course I won't know after few years later, will both of us be the person who we really want to achieve, but with our determination, we surely can make it! =]


P/S: Sometimes to be friend forever will be much better than the lover! =)

New year resolutions!

My new year resolutions just very simple: I want to earn more and more money! So that I can do and get whatever I wanted, without get others permission. Then I can fulfill my dreams, such as travelling at Bangkok with besties, buy my beloved items, eat delicious foods, treat my family well and etc. Money this matter, you can't live without it in your life, or else will get very suffer and struggling of it. I knew it very well since I grown up, "no money no talk" this quote will never disappear in my mind. So let's work it out since my ward started from next month will be seriously short of staffs, more double shifts coming and hectic working life begin! (Actually already started since I joined)

Then I wish to  improve my communication skills, my courage of confront with everyone, gain more knowledge regarding my career medical fields, know more people and have more new friends, and of course to get myself prettier and sexier! My besties GLL asked me, "Eh this time you don't wish to get a boyfriend already?" LOL I laughed after she said so. My answer for her is: just let it be, when it really come, I also can't avoid it right? I know it's too hard for me to get a guy which fulfill my requirements and seriously with my condition right now, my narrow network will be even harder to get it. Sometimes I really envy of my friends which have a lovely boyfriend who always support them and be with them, even though sometimes got arguement or fight. I felt surprised when one of my coursemate who actually getting married next week, and already registered. All of us was shocked when get the news, but still feel happy for her. Wish she will be happy forever with her hubby. Still query that whether can attend her wedding lunch since got other thing stuck on me at the same time.

Anyhow, I do really hope that this 2013 will be a great year for me and my beloved one, let's us conquer all the hardships and obstacles! *fingers crossed*

P/S: So near yet so far....